Cast No Shadow
by Aston E. Cameron
Summary: This is my take on the infamous Hunsford Proposal. This is my first fic ever so I'm sorry in advanced if it turns out to be rubbish. Rated-T for a little bit of foul language. Modern AU. Gender-Switch. (The names change too...)
1. Chapter 1

Hello, how are you all doing? This is my first piece of fanfiction ever and in my heart I kinda know that although it sounds alright it's probably just... Shite...  
This is based off of the movie 'cause I haven't read the book in a while now and I quite recently saw the movie so... Yeah... Let me know if you like it, or if you don't, that's quite alright too.

Aston E. Cameron

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

Elise turned around from where she has sitting on the top steps that led to the front porch of the Callaghan's home.

"Uh? Oh, hi... I uhm... I just came back from the village with Christie... She is still quite new to the place so she asked me if I could show her around a bit, you know?"

"Oh, ok..." Liam said, leaning against the frame of the front door.

He slowly started to approach her and soon he found himself sitting next to her, hands deep in the pockets of his jacket, watching as she took a drag out of her fag.

"So..." he began "What are you still doing here?"

She smirked, looked up and just as if stating the obvious she turned to him and said "It's raining". He stared blankly at her, waiting for a better explanation other than the current weather and reading his thoughts Elise turned her head straight ahead, took another drag and began to elaborate.

"It's raining and as my Aunt's State is just a short walk from here I asked Christie if I could stay here and wait for it to clear up a bit..."

"And why isn't she with you?" he enquired. As much as he disliked Elise he knew it was rude to leave a guest waiting outside alone.

"Well, she said that she was sorry but she had to get ready for Oliver's Graduation Concert at Rossins this evening, you know?... Dress to Impress and all that bollocks..." she paused and smiled "I don't mind it really. If it weren't for the possibility that my Aunt could have a heart attack if I showed up at her door step drenched from the rain I would have walked there a long time ago... I love rain"

Liam stared at her in wonder. Did she just chuckled? And- Oh my god, is that a smile!? This was probably the first time he had seen her truly smile. And even though it was small, he saw that it was actually sincere, and it held the power to warm his heart. He thought it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. It had such a contrast from the general scowl he had seen her sport almost every day.

Without even thinking, Liam allowed a small smile spread across his own face.

Just as he realized what he was doing, he shook himself out of this train of thought. He could not be thinking of her in this way. She's the reason behind Jamie's misery!

If it weren't for her and that scoundrel of Calum Bentley, his sister would still be the happy young women she once was and not the broken soul that disguised herself in fake smiles and constant repetitions of "I'm fine" that she appeared to be now after the imminent departure of Charles.

Not to mention Walker.

To kick out her father's godson from the Conservatoire just because he was poor! And even go as far as to deny him the scholarship her father had left for him! So very, very cruel.

She was just that. Cruel, cold, calculative and thought herself all high and mighty. She held no compassion for the feelings of others.

If she thought you beneath herself, she would crush you and never look back. She didn't care for anyone, not even her "friends" if she could do what she did to Charlie.

He continued to ponder over Elise's disagreeable being, his lips pursed and his eyebrows creased.

Meanwhile the silence started to grow just as Elise's anxiety did. She didn't know what to say. Should I talk about the weather? -No, stupid- Should I enquire after his family? -No, thanks. Rather not have that conversation at all. Just the thought of Mrs. Downey gives me a migraine- Oh! Oh! I know!

"Want a smoke?"

Great, the idea of talking about the weather doesn't seem so bad now, does it?

Liam snapped out of his somber thoughts, "I'm sorry?" was all he could say.

Elise offered the cigarette that she currently held in her hand and hesitantly repeated herself.

"I asked if you would care for a smoke..."

He stared at her and decided that even if he hated her, for the time being he would do everything within his reach to try and stop this annoying habit of hers. He had seen her smoking so many times and it disturbed him even more with the knowledge that her own father had died from lung cancer.

He also had seen the consequences from heavy smoking with his own eyes. Uncle Pierce was a lucky chap indeed. He was saved when the cancer was just a beginning stage II. But even then, with the operations and all the chemotherapy that followed, after the cancer had been successfully removed, his uncle went from the "happy go lucky scamp"-as he described himself- to a dead man walking. His eyes once so full of happiness and regard for the world that surrounded him were now so distant and... defeated. He tried to cover it up, that everything was fine. But one could tell. "I guess that's what happens to people when mortality steps at their door, isn't it?" he thought.

A few seconds passed when he spoke again, "Sure" Liam answered, but as soon as the cigarette landed in his hand it was put out on one of the steps in front of him, crushed by his shoe.

"Why did you do that for?!"

"That can kill you, you know?"

Elise reached the inside pocket of her jacket and produced a packet of Benson &amp; Hedges, she pulled out another cigarette and put it between her lips, she was about to lit it when she muttered lightly "What do you know? Maybe that's what I'm aiming for..."

There it is again! That fucking scowl of hers! So fucking annoying!

"You mean to tell me you want to die?" he asked a beginning to feel irritated at her lack of care for the matter. When she didn't answered he lost it.

"Well, do you? Do you fucking want to die Benson!?" Liam said in a raised voice.

"I... Just-I..." Elise grunted, closed her eyes for a moment and spoke again "You know what? Forget it..." she said as she rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand.

"Right..."

They both stared away from each other.

After a while the only sound that could be heard was the heavy pounding of rain against the ceiling and the splatters that came from the grass of the front garden.

Finally, Elise gathered up the courage to speak, breaking the silence with a heavy sigh she said

"Surely you must know by now, Downey, where my sentiments towards you lie..."

Of course I know, Benson. How could I not? Liam mused in his own head. When they were in each other's company she barely spoke to him at all. She always wore an expression of displeasure whenever he was in view. She looked down at him and his family. It was very easy to pinpoint where her feelings stood when it came to him. She hated him, for sure; not that the feeling wasn't reciprocated, of course.

She didn't respected him as a musician either. She had practically said so herself the first time they had met.

* * *

When he first saw her arrive that day at Meryton Concert Hall he just thought she was tired. She had the right to be. It was a very long journey from Derby to Hertford by car and he knew that some people didn't take traveling so well. He had seen as much from Lorie and Kylie's moodiness whenever they came back from a tour with the LYC so he didn't blame her.

It was partly because he had heard so many good things about her and partly because despite the frown that she wore ever since she set foot to the stage next to conductor Charles Bentley waiting to be introduced to the orchestra she was by far the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

When the introductions were finally made by Mr. Landon-the Main Conductor of the Hertfordshire's Youth Orchestra- Elise got off of the stage and Guest Conductor Charles took his place at the podium. He said a few words and began the rehearsal.

They were playing Tchaikovsky's 4th Symphony and aside from the fact that some youngsters still found it a bit hard to adapt themselves to a new conductor, the reading went pretty well. They went through bits of each movements and Charles was so pleased with the level of quality and efficiency that the Orchestra displayed that he called for a 30 minute recess before moving on to the next pieces.

That's how he found himself sitting in the audience-just a few sits behind Elise and Charles- cleaning his trumpet accidentally eavesdropping at the conversation the two friends were having.

"This kids are really good, eh Ellie? Tchaikovsky is not easy technically or emotionally yet they have captured it so well!" Charles said with a broad grin on his face. Liam immediately felt a tug of pride for his fellow musicians. They had worked hard to get this Symphony right and in the end it had paid off.

"I suppose, but there are still lots of details to be fixed Charlie, and you know it" Elise replied nonchalantly. Well, that's not very nice Liam thought to himself. After all, it's still the first rehearsal and they had two weeks before the concert.

However Charles was so excited that he quickly dismissed his friend.

"Yeah, I know. But they're really great. I mean, I did the last movement faster than I should have at the end and they all catched up nice. Let me tell you, there are really talented musicians here... And the piccolo solo in the 3rd movement? Man, I don't think I have ever heard that solo played so well! I understood every note that she played! And-and the brass section? Very powerful indeed! The french horns were absolutely brilliant and the trumpets as well" Charles finished, not because he didn't had anything more to say but because he was so completely intoxicated with glee that he managed to run himself out of air while he spoke.

Liam was listening still and was happy to hear that his sister Jamie had impressed the young conductor. Jamie had been noticed in advanced that she would be playing the piccolo in the Symphony and had worried herself sick because of that particular solo. He had endured days and nights with a metronome and high pitched sounds for an entire month, but it was worth it apparently.

Elise was very amused by her friend's obvious frenzy and before he could start again she cutted him off.

"I'll give you the piccolo solo and the french horns but I didn't like the trumpets very much honestly"

What? What about the trumpets? Liam thought.

"What? What about the trumpets" Charles asked out loud.

"Well, they just seemed a little insecure. I think it's probably the first chair though. I mean, how did he even got there? He doesn't even hold the instrument properly. He's pointing at the floor most of the times." Elise argued "if that's the example the rest are following no wonder the section is so unstable. They are tolerable enough I suppose for a Youth Orchestra but they need to practice a lot before the can play really well"

What? Unstable? They were nervous! They were all very grown up but apart from himself the one who had been playing the longest had probably two years in the orchestra and three years with the instrument. The only Conductor they had known was Mr. Landon, and this been their first experience with a foreign Conductor and Soloist it was perfectly rational for them to be nervous. Tomorrow they would be just fine.

"Look, I have to go warm up for rehearsal and piccolo girl is making cow eyes at you, go to her and I'll see you later, ok?" Elise stood up from her sit, grabbed her backpack, her Bam violin case and began walking up the stairs to find the exit. She saw Liam and nodded politely at him saying "Good day" before continuing on walking. Liam just stared ahead standing up and said "Perfectly tolerable day, I suppose"

She froze and turned around with a slightly agape mouth staring wide eyed at his retreating form making its way down to the stage again.

"Fuck me"

* * *

Back to the present Liam decided this was the sort of amusement he needed. He hadn't brought his trumpet with him and the only distraction he had for whenever he was bored was an old football that Oliver had borrowed him; but it was raining, hence with Oliver and Christie getting ready for the Concert he was bored senseless and couldn't do much more than sit around and mope. Just for the heck of it he turned his head toward Elise and asked

"I'm afraid I am lost at your meaning here, Benson"

In one quick movement Elise was on her feet, she faced his direction and leaned her back against the railing for support. He glanced at her and waited if she was going to say more. Elise looked at the sky and took a deep breath. It was going to rain for a while; no chance at a quick escape. Might as well finish what you started, she thought.

"I tried Liam, I really did... But I can't do this anymore..."

Liam frowned. This was the first time she had called him by his first name. It was always "Downey" with her. He became a little worried. What the hell is going on!?

"What do you mean?" he asked

"I mean, Liam, that these past months have been torture. I usually avoid these kind of events like the plague but once I found out Callaghan was in it, I couldn't help myself. I thought that even if there was the smallest chance that I could ever see you again I would gladly endure whatever busyness came with my appearance here..."

Elise paused searching for some sign of recognition. When he said nothing she continued.

"But I have had enough. It was a mistake to think that I could see you again and everything would remain all dandy and shit. I have fought against these feelings for too long... I have given it a lot of thought, believe me, and despite the fact that not only our social ranks but our professional careers are at different levels, and the fact that the media will bury me to the ground for this, I still can bring myself out of it..."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and in the smallest voice she added "Against my better judgment I have come to do what I have sworn myself I would never do."

"I don't understand"

"I love you..."

And that was all it took to send his mind in a turmoil. Elise Benson!? In love with him!?

"Bollocks"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Bollocks! I thought we were on the same page here, Benson" Liam said in glowering at her. At first he was confused but now, now he was as angry as he could ever be. How dare she say she loved him? After insulting him and his family. After screwing his sister over for God's sake!

He stood up and walked to the corner of the porch that was furthest away from Elise. The rain was pouring even worse now.

Elise herself was trying hard to cope with her own emotions. She had just spilled her guts out to the guy she loved, and it seems he's not taking it well. Ever since that moment she had first caught his eyes, she knew she was lost.

* * *

He wasn't a bad sight to look at. He was very tall, not overly muscular but not quite the "just skin and bones" type either. But it was his eyes that had taken her notice in the first place. He had the most stunning eyes she had ever seen in her life. Big green eyes with the smallest glint of brown that made them even more appealing.

She was mortified when she heard him utter those words that resembled so very close to what she had said to Charlie just a few seconds before. Had he overheard the conversation? It was quite possible, given the little distance that was between them.

She reminded herself that she had to warm up before rehearsals and decided to let the matter drop.

It was not meant to harm, anyways; the comment, that is. It was just constructive criticism. She saw that those kids had real potential but to be the best that they could be they would have to work their arses off and be under the assistance of a firm hand. If someone just came through and began to sing them praises without pointing their week spots and correcting them they would never grow from what they were now. And it had been always like this whenever Charles invited her with him as Guest "something"; whether it be as the string preparator, or to teach individual lessons to the less fortunate Music Schools around (or even outside) the country. Or be it as a guest musician inside the orchestra or a Soloist as was currently the case, they held this kind of dynamic.

Charles would put them into spirits to try harder and always made sure to tell them they were doing fantastic, while Elise would openly display the details that needed to me corrected and would make individual observations if she saw that someone was slacking off. They kind of had this "Good cop-Bad cop" routine going on.

Everyone would hate her at the end to be sure, but when Charlie and herself went back again after a year or so she would be received with smiles and gratification because they now understood what her behavior was aiming for. And they appreciated it. Despite the unpleasant process, the end result was always of the best quality.

Surely, he must realize that. That's how she had worked all her life. That was what she had learned from her father's teaching method as well as many other great musicians, teachers and conductors around the world. Undoubtedly, it was not the most enjoyable way of work: it sure came with lots of frustration but one could not deny that it was the most effective method too.

* * *

Elise shook herself out of the memories of that day and decided to focus on the matter at hand. She just told him she loved him and he seemed angry at her. What the actual fuck?

Liam turned to her and with a deadpan expression on his face said "Look, I'm... Flattered that you would feel this way about me and I'm very sorry if I have caused you pain... But I don't know what else to say..."

"Is this your reply? Are you- are you mocking me!?"

"What do you want me to say, eh Benson? Did you actually expected that I would just succumb to you? Did you thought you were doing me a big favor by "degrading" yourself for me!?" he seem to have blown a fuse by now.

And she was beginning to get pissed off too.

"So that's it, right? I just-I just put my heart at your mercy and you crush it like a bug on the sidewalk... Great"

Elise pulled out another cigarette and lit it with the butt of the one she had finished. She gave a mirthless laugh and said "See? This is why I smoke..."

Liam glared at her

"Oh, don't you get all dramatic on me now. I'm sure that all the objections you have laid against my person will help you overcome my hatred"

And just for a second, Elise froze, her face blank. He hated her? Why?

She blinked.

"Could you at least enlighten me in your... reasons for this hatred?"

"You just professed your "love" and insulted me all at the same time! You said you liked me against your better judgement, for Pete's sake!"

"No, believe me I-" she began to defend herself but he quickly shot her off.

"But that's not it, I have other reasons and you know it..."

"What reasons?"

Oh, now it was on! He approached her with a scowl on his face leaving a small gap between them. He just stared at her at first but then he said gravelly

"Did you really thought that I could ever accept the love of the girl who ruined my dear sister's chance at happiness? Or are you going to deny it? You separated them even though they loved each other! They were doing great and you just had to come in and meddle about! And worst of all, you actually congratulate yourself for your actions? That's jus sic, Benson... My sister is miserable now because of your interference and I'm sure Charlie is too, wherever he is right now... How could you do it?"

"I did it because I believed your sister indifferent" Elise said defensively.

"Indifferent?"

"I watched them closely and it was clear that her heart was not moved" she explained herself.

"That's because she's shy, you muppet! Jesus!" Liam said roughly.

"Well, Charlie too is modest and he felt the same way!"

"Because you suggested it"

"I did it for his own good!"

"I've been my sister's closest confident ever since I could remember and she hardly opens up to me!"

Fuck.

Had she been wrong? If Jamie did truly care for Charles that would mean... Oh, no... Charlie...

Liam studied her for a bit and was quick to find the motives for such interference. He took a deep breath to calm himself before he began

"I suppose that his fortune had some bearing"

"No! I wouldn't even think that about Jamie, although it was suggested-"

"What was?" he said questionably.

Silence

"Well?" Liam asked again beginning to grow impatient.

She looked at him and with much discomfort finally said "It was made perfectly clear that the match would be advantageous for-"

And again, he interrupted her "Did my sister gave that impression!?"

"No! No. There was however I have to admit the matter of your family"

"What about my family!?"

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, Downey that your mother and your three younger sisters show no signs of propriety or decorum whatsoever. Even your father occasionally joins them too!"

Elise paused for a moment to sallow the lump that was building in her throat and added softly

"Forgive me... You and Jamie are the only ones I can spare from this..."

Liam could do nothing but stare at her. How dared she? This was his family; she had no right to insult them like that. It took him a couple of seconds to regain some self-control and when he did, he remembered another matter that had formed his bad opinion of her.

"And what about Tobey?"

Elise paled, her face that just moments ago showed confusion and discomfort was now contorted into a grave expression, in her eyes she seemed genuinely pained.

"You mean Tobias Walker? Please tell me you're not talking about Tobias Walker..."

"Well, of course I'm talking about Walker. Please, do tell Miss Benson, since you seem to have an explanation for everything, what excuse can you give for your behavior towards him?"

"You seem very concerned about Mr. Walker's issues" she hissed

"Yes, he shared his story..." he fought back

"Oh, of course!" she gave a bitter laugh "Poor baby has had a tough one, right?

"You're the cause of that and yet you treat it like it's nothing"

Elise glared at him. That was enough. Let him be mad at her for the "Charlie-Jamie" thing, but this was Walker. This was the reason for her own sister's misery. She wouldn't have it.

"It's good to know your true opinion of me but just to, you know, clear things up a bit, if it weren't for your wounded fucking pride you might had been more open to the truth that was standing before your eyes"

"Ha! My pride!? Let me tell you right now, Elise Benson, all things aside, from the first moment I met you it was clear to me that you were the very last person that I could ever love. Ok?"

And suddenly she felt like the world had split open at her feet. And she was falling deeper and deeper into a complete abyss.

There was no stopping it.

"I'm very sorry to have disturbed you with me presence... I... Excuse me..."

And before she could shed a single tear in front of him she was out in the pouring rain walking towards her Aunt's State.

Well... She was in the rain after all...

"Fuck it" she said as she led the tears fall freely from her eyes.

* * *

Liam saw her that evening at the Concert.

He hated to admit it but she looked really beautiful in that light blue dress that brought out her blue eyes, with those white lace fingerless gloves and her... Keds... So like Elise.

The only thing that disturbed him at the moment was the only thing that he actually always liked about her.

Her eyes.

They were rimed red and it made him feel like shit. It made him feel like the scum of the fucking earth because he knew he was probably the cause of it.

She talked even less than usual that evening.

She clinged to Richard's arm like she was holding for dear life. And Rick was there for her... Like he always was.

Richard looked like he wanted to kill him. He couldn't blame him. I would probably want to kill me too if I was in Rick's position, he thought.

The Concert went fantastic. Oliver was perfect as always. Well, that was what Christie had told him anyways, he wasn't really paying that much attention.

And before he knew it, the evening had reached its end. He was back at the Callaghan's home, lying in bed 'cause he couldn't sleep. A pair of icy blue eyes haunted all his dreams.

* * *

So! Liked it? Hated it? Want me to write some more? Want me to never write again? (Sorry, not gonna happen)

If you have any tips, critics or suggestions let me know! All comments will be well appreciated, even if its a suggestion to never write again. Bye c:

Aston E. Cameron


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone, how are you? I hope you're all well. Someone pointed out to me that the name change thing might be a bit confusing (Thank you again BTW). So just to clarify:

Elise/Darcy  
Liam/Elizabeth  
Charlie/Bingley  
Jamie/Jane  
Oliver/Collins  
Christie/Charlotte  
Mr. Landon/Sir Lucas  
Lorie and Kylie/Lydia and Kitty (respectively)  
Callum/Caroline  
Richard/ Colonel Fitzwilliam (as always)  
Walker/Wickham

And introducing:

Paulette/Georgiana  
Camile/Lady Catherine

This is mostly about Elise, next chapter is all Liam.

**WARNING:** There is a bit that hints to violence and abuse. Nothing explicit of course but, you know, just a warning sign.

So, without further ado, here's the continuation.

Aston E. Cameron

* * *

Elise opened the door of her bedroom at her Aunt's house with much relief. She was exhausted. Physically and psychologically drained.

Something at the back of her mind was bothering her. Never mind the fact that she had to dress up at a time when she just wanted to be in her flannel shorts and favorite t-shirt, nailed to the couch in front of the TV watching soppy movies with her three most loyal companions, Richard... Ben &amp; Jerry. It wasn't that her Aunt had been at her highest peak of haughtiness and pomposity for most of the night. It wasn't even the fact that the person she couldn't bear to be in the same room with at the time had been watching her every move the whole evening. It was something else that was bugging her but she didn't know what.

And it was fucking annoying.

Rick had been taking care of her the whole night. He hadn't even planned to go to the concert but after she had told him all about the incident with Liam that afternoon he had dropped everything to be by her side. She was almost like a little sister to him, even though the only real relation they had was that his parents were her godparents. When she told him of the whole Liam thing his reaction was to go "He's a dead man" she had smiled at his concern but then he just looked at her with a grim expression and said "No, I'm serious. I know a guy, I'll make a call, and... he's dead. No one hurts my family, not on my watch"

It took a couple of minutes to calm Richard down and explain to him that homicide would not be necessary.

She looked about the room and sighed. "I have some serious issues" Elise said to herself when she spotted the small dents she had caused to the wall. You see, she had this thing that whenever she experienced strong negative emotions she would black out and punch whatever was in her way.

A little to the left lay another victim of her outrage. The mirror of the vanity table at the corner of the room was shattered on the floor. "Wait until I tell Cami, she will be delighted to hear what I did..." she said sarcastically thinking of her Aunt Camile's reaction to her unladylike behavior... Even though no one was there to actually hear her. When she realized what she was doing she pouted and put her face in her still gloved hands.

"I'm going mad..."

Elise was cut off of her reflection on her mental stability by the muffled sound of her phone. She lifted her head and began to search for it in her bag. When she finally found it and saw the ID caller she sighed and answered.

"I'm fine Rick..." she said guiltily.

One of the reasons Elise didn't like to share her problems with others was the feeling of anguish that never left her knowing that she was probably just burdening others with her own personal issues. She didn't like to bother her family so she always kept it all in. The down side of this behavior however was that when the barrier she built around herself crumbled, it was too evident, and it made people worry way too much. Only Richard had seen her at her worst, and that was why he was worrying this much about her.

"Why, hello to you too, sweetheart! It's good to know you're as delightful and charming as ever" Rick said trying to sound cheerful and Elise knew he was smiling at the other end of the line.

"You know what I mean, Rick. You don't have to check up on me every five minutes. You just left me at my Aunt's not even twenty minutes ago" Elise said putting the phone on speaker and laying it on top of the vanity table, she took her gloves off and went on to look for new bandages for her hands.

"Yes, I know, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright, sue me" Richard said casually.

Meanwhile, Elise was currently changing the bandages of her hands with a lot of pain. The blood had soaked a bit through the bandages and now they were stuck to the wounds, wich was really painful. She was trying to take the ones on her right hand off but it was too hard. Then she had a moment of stupidity. Just like a Band-Aid, right? Just one quick whoosh and that's it. In 1, 2... 3!

"Sweet mother of Baby Jesus!"

"What!? What happened!?" Richard said frantically.

"Fuck! Damn, nothing, nothing, just trying to take the bandages off but I think I might have to have them surgically removed... God, this hurts"

"Oh God, Ellie, I'm so sorry, I really am. Look, can I do anything for you? Anything, just name it and I'll do it"

"Richard, calm down, please. You know I don't like it when you get like this" Elise began "And besides, It's not like this is your fault, you didn't take my arms and smashed my fists against the wall now, did you?" she finished with a small chuckle trying to lighting up the mood.

Richard sighed at the other end of the line. He knew she was trying to be cool about the whole thing but was worried sick, and he had a good reason too. They both knew it.

"I know I know, but, Ellie... Don't you remember the other times we have been in this situation?" Rick asked carefully. This was a tough topic to rise.

"You know I do, Rick. But this isn't about that..."

Richard grunted "It is about that, Elle... It is... So stop pretending that it's not. Stop trying to act all cool and casual when we both know that this is killing you inside... You can't hide from me, Elise Benson"

Elise felt the tears building up inside her throat. He was right.

Of course she remembered. Who could forget their parents death anyways. Well, at least her father's death. Her mother died giving birth to her so it was kind of... impossible, to remember such a thing.

* * *

She was at the Conservatoire doing a counterpoint test when it happened. Paulette, her older sister, along with her godmother, Mrs. Fitzwilliam had interrupted the test not long after it had started. She was taken out of the classroom and was informed of what had happened. Apparently Mr. Benson had been living with lung cancer for a proximally seven or eight year, he just didn't told anyone. It had metastasized to the brain which caused him to have a stroke and die.

The situation had left Elise in a catatonic state. She didn't cry and she didn't spoke for the entire ride home. When they got to the house she went right up to her room and locked the door without acknowledging anyone with whom she crossed paths with.

Next thing she knew she was being held down by Richard and her godfather, Paulette was crying and her godmother was telling her to calm down.

Her hands were throbbing.

Once she came back into full consciousness she asked to be released. They cautiously did and she took a good look at her hands; they were both badly bruised, with purple, green and blue spots on them, blood was pouring out of her knuckles. She felt dampness on her face; she reached to touch her eyes and was surprised to see that tears had fallen from them. I don't remember having cried.

She looked about the room and what a mess it was. The mirror doors of the closet were shattered on the floor leaving only the wooden base. And, oh God, is that blood? Could it be my blood? Elise began to panic. She looked for the most accepting face and soon enough she was looking up into the eyes of Richard.

"Rick, what happened?" she asked with a trembling voice.

Richard took a step toward her and knelt down to be at her eye level which, with him being a very tall 18 year old was a rather difficult thing to do standing up in front of a 10 year old.

"Ellie, sweetheart, you don't remember what happened?" he said in the most stable voice he could gather.

She shook her head and he sighed.

"It's ok, dear. Now, come on here, let's take you to the emergency room and check out those hands, ok? I'll explain everything to you later" Richard said extending a hand to her.

Elise nodded and put her hand around his carefully.

They went downstairs and took their way to the hospital.

* * *

"Elle? Ellie, are you there?"

"Oh, yeah, yes" she sniffed and wiped the tears from her face "I just, you know..."

"Ellie, are you alright?" Richard asked concerned. She was crying and Elise Benson rarely cried. Well, not openly, that is.

"I really can't hide from you now can I?..." she said with the smallest glint of a smile.

"You know you can't, sweetheart"

Elise sighed. Yeah, I know.

"What's wrong with me, Rick?"

"What d'you mean?"

"I... I don't know anymore..."

"Look, dear, you're tired; it's been a long day. Just go take a shower and go to sleep, ok? Remember we're leaving for London tomorrow morning"

"Ok... Rick?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I love you..."

"I love you, too... Now go get some rest, ok? I'll be there at 6 o'clock to pick you up"

"Ok... Bye"

"Bye"

* * *

Elise did as Richard told her to do. After they said goodbye she took a shower and went to bed. Not to sleep precisely as she would have liked, she could use the rest. She tried, she really did but sleep would not come to her.

She finally gave up.

Elise got out of bed and grabbed the packet of cigarettes, ashtray and Zippo that were laying on top of the nightstand. She went and sat by the window.

She looked at the lighter that was in her hand. It was her father's favorite so naturally it was her favorite too. It might not seem special to a stranger's eye, just a regular silver lighter... but Elise knew best. She was always in awe whenever her father did all the cool tricks he knew with it, like when he lighted it up and grabbed the flame with his fingers and put it back on again, or when he would snap his fingers and the flame would appear out of nowhere. And it wasn't just those memories that made it so special. It was also the little inscription he got made just for her. "To my dear Ellie-I love you, Dad." It said. He had given it to her on her tenth birthday. He knew it was going to happen, she thought sadly.

Elise lighted up a cigarette, looked out the window and began to replay the events of the day, or from the afternoon and on to be precise. "It was to do with what happened this afternoon because before it I was perfectly fine, well, as fine as I have ever been since I met him"

She reconstructed every bit of the conversation they had and played it over and over again in her head.

And then it hit her.

"Of course, you dimwit!" she said standing up

"Anyone can judge but to judge with full understanding of the circumstances is a whole different thing, right?... You just can't bear the idea of him thinking so badly of you without knowing the whole truth... He was the right to know the truth"

Elise turned around and spotted her Moleskine sketchbook laying on top of her suitcase. I could write a letter, she thought, it's still quite new so it should have enough paper to write a letter.

She went to grab the book but just as she was about to close her right hand around it a jolt of pain ran all the way across her spine. My hand, my right hand... I'm right handed! Fuck! She raised her hand and notice it was shaking. Probably the pain along with the damage. Now what do I do, I can't fucking write like this. Unless...

"This is the most, stupid thing I have ever thought of doing just to protect the family name. I can't believe I'm doing this"

She had been assigned with five young students of the Rossins Conservatoire to work with during her stay so she bought a small digital recorder for the kids to record themselves and hear their own playing as an audience would hear them. She had downloaded the sound files to one of her student's laptop already so the recorder was empty.

She grabbed her backpack and pulled out the miserable sound recorder. This is the only option left, Elise, pull yourself together. She return to sit by the window and pressed the record button on the damned thing. She lighted up yet another cigarette, took a long drag and exhaled.

"Hey... I-uhm, I know that my voice is probably the last thing you want to hear right now but I kind of... Fucked up my hands and I can't write... I suppose I could write you and e-mail but honestly that seems a little too impersonal for the things I have to say. If Richard was here I would ask him to write it for me but he isn't and I don't really trust anyone in this house to help me in this matter so... Here it goes..."

"Do not worry for the contents of this recording as it will not hold a renewal of the sentiments which were so... Unpleasant to you. I'm simply doing this to address the two offences you have laid against me. I know that you probably hate me more than ever after our... Altercation yesterday but I simply could not function properly knowing that you were out there, somewhere, thinking ill of me without knowing the truth. I'm just trying to clarify things...

"Before I begin I just want to say that I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I will, however state that I'm not sorry for the things I said, just the manner of how I said them. With a cool head now I realize that the words I spoke yesterday, although true to me, they were insulting to you and I apologize for that.

"Ok, so, as for the matter of your sister and Charlie I must say that though to you my motives may seem... Insufficient, they were in the service of a friend who I thought needed help... So, from the first moment Charlie saw Jamie I knew he preferred her to other young lady, but as I had seen him 'in love' so many times before I didn't paid much attention to it. It wasn't until he actually began dating her that I became worried about him.

"It's a dirty business we're in, Downey... The music business may seem harmless to foreign eyes but to those who are actually in it... Man... It's like 'The Hunger Games' you know? Survival of the fittest, kill or be killed and the likes... I've had my share of experiences where people I care for are manipulated and used just to achieve a goal. Some had tried it on me, but I knew better... Anyways, back to the point, I have been working with Charlie since I was sixteen years old and through the past seven years of work and eventual friendship I have seen him being used by people over and over again. They would make him think himself in love to get to his money and fame, or to get better positions within the Orchestra or to get more solos, just to dump him after they got what they wanted. I always tried to warn him but he, being the kind soul that he is would simply refuse to think ill of people. He couldn't get 'round the idea that anyone could actually be that cruel...

"Just two years ago he fell for this girl, right? She was first-chair of the cellos of an Orchestra in Marseilles. He really loved her and they even became engaged but she was only after his money. After a year or so of dating he bought an apartment for both of them to live together but given that he was always traveling it was practically hers. She started cheating on him with the concertmaster of the Orchestra...

"One day when Charlie was supposed to be with me on a flight to Berlin they went together to the apartment and, you know... Went at it without knowing that Charlie was in fact dressing up after a shower in the bathroom of the bedroom. Our flight had been canceled due to bad weather and we had to reschedule. When he got out of the bathroom he found them almost naked on their bed and that was it...

"After that he swore that he would never ever fall in love again. He moved in with me to my flat in London and we have been living together ever since. Now, back to Hertfordshire, I always did liked Jaime but honestly I couldn't see any regard from her to my friend. Charlie was just getting back on his feet after the 'Marseilles Bitch incident' as I call it, and Jaime was the first person he actually found real interest in. I'm not going to lie, I has a little paranoid with the situation, but then again, who wouldn't after witnessing their best friend depressed, refusing to go outside or to keep up with the basic human needs like eating or, you know, showering... He wanted to die, Liam, and I couldn't bear to see him like that again if Jamie turned out to be another fiasco.

"Anyways, Charlie too felt a little insecure and as I have been his best friend for some time now, he asked my opinion on the matter. I simply said what I felt and saw, but I told him that if he felt differently, he would have to make a choice, his own choice. It was time for him to recognize the truth of the world and this was the first step. I told him that whatever path he chose, I would be there for him... The next day he told me that we were leaving Hertfordshire...

"If Jamie does feel for him then actions must be taken. I will tell him that I was wrong and let him decide what he wants to do... I must ask you to keep all this information to yourself as it is a very personal business that neither I nor Charlie would like to make known to the public."

Elise paused for a bit. She already had cleared the air about the whole Charlie-Jamie thing but this next subject was somewhat much more difficult for her to address. But it must be done...

"Regarding the matter of Mr. Walker I will ask of you again total discretion as it involves someone very very dear to me...

"Tobias Walker was the godson and student of the late famous pianist and conductor James T. Benson, my father. His happy manners always made him seem like the best of people, but I knew that that was not the case. Father was only blessed with two daughters so he took the young boy under his wing. He gave Walker a scholarship at the ' Royal Conservatoire of Music "Phillipe Matthieu Beaumont" ' which he founded. He took personal care of him and he often spent weekends with me and my father at Pemberley House; my sister Paulette was on her own scholarship at Rossins on my Aunt's demands. I was only a little girl of eight when I first started to see Walker's true character. He is six years my senior and I had seen how he behaved behind my father's back. Talking back to teachers, picking on little kids just for the hell of it, and so many other things. When he realized that his charms wouldn't work on me he started to mock me and tell me things that no motherless child should ever hear. After all these years, it's still painful to talk about it. But as usual when father was around he acted like we were the best of friends.

"When I was ten years old and my father passed, it was stated that the presidency of "Matthieu Beaumont" would be left to the vice-president until me and my sister were of age and decided which one of us would be put up for president. The vice-president, Mr. Daniel Evans, was not a man to be trifled with. Needless to say, he just wouldn't put up with Walker's shit. He was kicked out after a couple of months.

"My sister who's four years older than me and I were left to the care of our good neighbors and my godparents, the Fitzwilliam's, on my father's wishes. Pemberley House was left to us so we would usually spend the weekdays in the Fitzwilliam household and on occasion, if we begged enough, Mrs. Fitzwilliam would let us spend the weekends on our own house with the 'supervision' of Richard, who was already of age, and our butler, Mr. Robinson, that was in charge of the house the rest of the time and had been working for our family since my parents got married.

"One time Walker went over to the house while we were there claiming that he had left some personal belongings on my father's office. Richard let him in and I didn't put up a fight trying to avoid a scene but he made the mistake of leaving him on his own in my father's office. When he got back he found him trying to steal from my father's hidden compartment on his desk where he kept my mother's jewelry. He left to never go back but not before Richard could kick his arse. We knew nothing of him for years... That is, until last summer...

"See, I had failed to tell my sister of Walker's true nature as I believed we would never see him again... My sister is a very kind and gullible soul. Please don't be offended by this but I find her character to be of the same nature as Jamie's. She's older than me, yes, but I have always felt the need to protect her from the evils of the world, I'm sure you can relate to this. Anyways, my sister was in Dublin last summer as a teacher in a local music school's Summer Camp and Festival. Apparently Walker had moved there after he got involved in some shady business here in England. He went to one of the concerts after he saw her name on the advertising. When the event ended he sought her out and used personal information to get her to trust him. He got her to fall 'in love' with him only to use her to get back at me.

"The Summer Camp was set to last for only a month so naturally after two months had passed since she had left, one of them in which I didn't heard a word from her, I became sick with worry. I called Richard and asked him if he could accompany me to Dublin in her search. When we got there I looked up all the information I could get from the music school that was hosting the summer camp. They told me everything they knew and advised me to ask her 'boyfriend', that maybe he'd know.

"Boyfriend, Liam... I asked them if they could give me a description of this said 'boyfriend' and they me painted the very image of Tobias Walker... We agreed that I would go look for Lettie and Rick would go after Walker. I searched everywhere I knew she could be, I went to the hotel she was staying in, I went to every park I could find, I went to any museums that crossed my path. And then I got a call from Richard. He had found her at Walker's place. He told me the address of the place they were in and I went over there immediately. When I got there Richard was standing outside of the door ready to catch me, he said that I should be prepared for what I was about to see. He showed me to where she was and..."

Elise choked a sob. She sniffed and battled with the tears that were threating to fall from her eyes. With a shaky voice she continued.

"She was there, her face beat up, there were marks on her arms and legs. She was covered with Richard's coat... And her eyes... Oh, Liam, her eyes were as good as death... Paulette pushed us not to press charges; she said that Walker already had fled the country and that he was not worth the pursuit. Forget and move on she said, but I knew she was not the same anymore...

"So, I'm telling you now, Downey, Tobias Walker is bad news, just stay away from him, ok? If you don't believe me I'm sure Richard would be happy to corroborate this story."

She wiped her face and took a moment to regain her composure.

"Listen, I'm not telling you all this to gain any sort of sympathy or pity from you, nor am I doing it to cause you any pain. I just thought you deserved to know the truth. I could not stand and watch Walker deceive someone I care for again.

"Again, I'm very sorry if I insulted you and your family and I'm not expecting any kind of forgiveness from your part but you have to understand that in this line of work we're on, our paths may cross again so I'm just asking that, if we do meet again we can be as civil as possible and maintain a professional composure as it should be.

"And just one more thing... I think you're a very talented musician, Liam, I really do. I think you have a brilliant future ahead of you and on contrary to you I believe, I would very much like to hear from you sometime. All good things I imagine."

"That's it, so... I uhm, yeah. Good luck on everything you do. And god bless you... Goodbye, Liam"

And with that Elise pressed the stop button and broke down. She let the tears she had been holding up break free at last.

After a few minutes Elise collected herself and wiped the tears from her face. She grabbed the first sweater within reach, put the recorder in her backpack and headed out the door. Even if he didn't listen to it, she would at least try.

Elise rode over to the Callaghan's home and in less than 10 minutes she was just a couple of steps away from the front porch. She left her bike at the front garden, being careful with Oliver's oh so precious roses. She took a moment to collect herself before she began to climb up the steps. She was finally in front of the main door when she realized she had no idea of what to do now. I can't knock on the door at fucking 3 a.m. And I can't call Christie at this hour neither. Shit. What to do.

You know what? Screw it.

She pulled off her backpack and knelt in front of the door. She searched for a marker and a piece of paper. When she finally found some she took the marker and scribbled something with much pain on the paper. She put it in front of her and then pulled the recorder and put it atop the piece of paper. She zipped up her backpack and pulled it on again.

Elise was out the porch as quickly as possible before she could decide this was a bad idea.

* * *

Liam finally gave up all hopes of sleep that evening. He got out of bed, put on some snickers and a hoodie and headed down to the front porch to grab a bit of fresh air. He sat on the floor in the darkest corner there was. He didn't know why put the dark always seemed to calm him. He leaned back against the railing closing his eyes and let the chill of the night cool him.

He didn't know how much time he had spent sitting there when suddenly he heard the crack of branches and footsteps on the grass of the garden. Oh fuck! Who the hell is it? Maybe if I play dead they won't notice me. So he kept his eyes closed.

And then it hit him like a slap to the face.

The smell of tobacco, the cherry blossoms from her hair mixed with the floral-fruity scent of that fucking expensive cologne she always wore... That was so bloody... Sweet. Like jasmine with the smallest hint of pineapple.

Focus, man! It's just your mind playing tricks on you. And on a different note, when the hell did you memorized exactly how she smelled, huh?

Anyways, there's no way it could be her.

He opened his eyes.

Oh...

Turns out there is a way.

It was Elise. Elise Benson. And she hadn't notice him either. Perfect, just don't move and she'll go away soon.

It was very dark and because of his poor eyesight he couldn't quite make out what she was doing. He just waited until she was out of the porch and then again for about 5 minutes to give time for her to be far away from the house.

Once the estimated time had passed he slowly stood up and checked carefully if she was really gone. When he was confident that no Elise Benson would be jumping out of the bushes he decided to get back in the house.

Liam was about to open the door when something catched his sight. A small sound recorder and a piece of paper underneath it.

He knelt down to grab the items.

The handwriting on the paper was a bit shaky but it clearly read:

"If it's Oliver who's reading this, please give it to Christie.

If it's Christie who's reading this, please give it to Liam.

If it's Liam who's reading this, please hear it... Please."

"What the...?" was all he could say.

The state of confusion he was in resembled the one he felt that time when he thought dear Jamie was dying 'cause he saw a blood spot on the back of her trousers. It took several hours for Mrs. Downey to explain everything while reassuring him that Jamie wasn't dying and that what she was going through was a natural occurrence in any lady's development. His bewilderment lasted a couple of minutes but when he finally understood everything poor Liam couldn't even look at Jaime in the eye for almost three weeks. No eight year-old should ever be exposed to such things. And this was something like that, not quite, but close.

The tape could only be two things. Number one: it was Elise's very heartfelt apology for being such a prick since the beginning of their acquaintance along with the declaration that he was the coolest most awesome person in the whole wide world and a superb trumpeter. Or Number two: it was Elise ranting for a half hour about how she was the epitome of everything that was perfect and that he was a piece of shit that was going to regret not accepting her when she offered.

Ding ding ding! We have our winner! Yeah, it's probably number two...

With a grunt he entered the house and went up the stairs. Once in his room he closed the door behind him then kicked off his shoes and put the recorder on a chair close to the window. He landed on the bed while simultaneously trying to get the hoodie off. Once free he covered himself completely with the duvet, attempting to forget all about the damned sound recorder.

He failed miserably.

After what it seemed like hours of tossing and turning in bed Liam sat up and glared at the cause of his insomnia. He grabbed the hoodie he had tossed away (not too far away, conveniently) a few moments ago and threw it over to the chair. There! Now it like it's not here anymore... It doesn't exist. It's not just... A couple... Of steps... From within... My reach...

"Oh, who am I kidding!?" Liam said while getting out of bed quickly to find a pair of headphones to listen to the stupid tape.

Once he located the headphones he went over to the chair grabbed the recorder and plugged them in while he sat. He took a deep breath and hit play.

* * *

So there you go. Hope you liked it, and if you didn't I'm sorry.  
I'm now also on the lovely place called A Happy Assembly but something happened and I don't know what but anyways. Comments and critics are very well received as always. Until next time. Bye

Aston E. Cameron


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